Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do when your child cries, withdraws, or pushes your boundaries?
The answer might lie in your own attachment style—a blueprint formed in childhood that influences how you connect, respond, and regulate emotions in relationships, especially with your children.
What Is Attachment?
Attachment refers to the emotional bond formed between a child and their primary caregiver. This bond becomes the foundation for how children learn to trust, regulate emotions, and feel safe in the world.
Psychologists identify four main attachment styles that can carry through into adulthood and parenting:
- Secure Attachment
Caregivers respond consistently and warmly. The child feels safe exploring the world while knowing support is nearby. As a parent, this often translates into confidence in setting boundaries while staying emotionally available. - Anxious Attachment
Caregivers were inconsistent—sometimes nurturing, sometimes withdrawn. As a result, the child learns to cling tightly to avoid abandonment. Parents with this style might become overly involved or anxious about their child’s wellbeing. - Avoidant Attachment
Formed when caregivers were emotionally distant or rejecting. These children learn to self-soothe and suppress needs. Parents with avoidant styles may struggle to tolerate emotional intensity and unconsciously shut down their child’s feelings. - Disorganised Attachment
Arises in homes with trauma, abuse, or fear. The caregiver is both a source of comfort and fear. As parents, individuals with disorganised attachment may swing between overcontrol and detachment.
Why This Matters for Parenting
Your attachment style can impact how:
- You respond to your child’s emotional needs.
- You handle conflict, tantrums, or meltdowns.
- You set and maintain boundaries.
- You model emotional regulation and repair.
But here’s the good news: awareness creates change.
You don’t have to repeat what was modeled for you. You can learn how to become a secure base for your child, even if that wasn’t your experience growing up.
It’s Never Too Late to Heal
Understanding your attachment style isn’t about blame—it’s about insight. When you know what shaped you, you can choose how you want to shape your child.
At Finding Yourself, we help parents explore their inner world so they can show up with clarity, compassion, and confidence in their parenting journey.