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Is Your Marriage Ready for a Baby?
10 Conversations You Need Before Having a Baby
Bringing a baby into the world is one of the most life-altering decisions a couple can make. But many people focus only on logistics—finances, housing, or timing—and skip the deeper emotional and relational conversations that truly determine if a relationship is ready to become a family.
Below are 10 essential topics to talk about before deciding to have a baby:
1. How You Were Parent-ed
Our childhood experiences deeply shape how we see parenting. Talk about how each of you was raised—what you admired, what hurt, what you’d never want to repeat. Without awareness, we often parent how we were parented—even when that’s not what we intended. Sanvictores and Mendez (2022) talk about this a bit more in their research paper Types of Parenting Styles and Effects on Children.
2. Intergenerational Trauma
Unprocessed trauma is passed down in families like heirlooms. Emotional neglect, abuse, addiction, or dysfunction doesn’t vanish when a baby is born—it resurfaces. Reflecting on what’s been inherited and committing to breaking harmful cycles is essential.
3. Emotional Regulation and Conflict
How do you each handle stress, conflict, or overwhelm? A baby will mirror your nervous system. If yelling, avoidance, or shutdowns are common now, they’ll be amplified under parenting pressure.
4. Attachment Styles
Your early attachment to caregivers creates a blueprint for intimacy. If one or both of you fear closeness, struggle with trust, or emotionally withdraw, parenting can surface those issues fast.
5. Gender Roles and Division of Labour
Who will do what? Who gets up at night? Who stays home? Unequal expectations—especially when unspoken—create resentment. Discuss now what you each expect and value.
6. Financial Values and Priorities
It’s not about how much money you have, but how you manage and discuss it. Parenting exposes every financial fear, scarcity wound, and value mismatch.
7. Mental Health and Support Systems
Do either of you live with anxiety, depression, ADHD, trauma, or burnout? Are you willing to seek help and support if needed? Your baby deserves emotionally available parents—and that starts with self-awareness.
8. Communication Patterns
Do you talk to understand, or to win? Do you repair after conflict? Children absorb the tone of your relationship. Your communication becomes their inner voice.
9. Values and Discipline
What do you believe in when it comes to discipline, emotional expression, education, and screen time? Your parenting values don’t need to be identical—but they must be discussed.
10. The Relationship Prototype You’ll Model
Every baby forms their understanding of love, safety, and self-worth by observing their parents. A baby will grow up seeking what they didn’t receive and will internalize what they witness. Your relationship becomes their emotional template.
Parenthood is a mirror. It reflects back everything we haven’t dealt with. If you’re serious about giving a baby the best start, begin with yourselves. These 10 conversations aren’t just for planning a baby —they’re for raising one who doesn’t have to recover from their childhood.
Parenthood is not just about loving a baby —it’s about being emotionally available, consistent, and safe. That starts with how you show up in your relationship. A baby doesn’t just absorb love—they absorb tension, tone, conflict, silence, and repair. Your baby will be shaped by what they witness, not just what you say. If one parent withdraws emotionally when stressed and the other becomes reactive, your baby will internalize these patterns as “normal.” These responses are often rooted in our own childhood experiences and early role modelling. Were you comforted when you cried? Were emotions punished or ignored? These moments become the blueprints for how we deal with conflict, fear, or intimacy. If left unexplored, they become the unconscious scripts you act out as a parent.
This is why exploring your schemas—your deep-seated beliefs about relationships, self-worth, trust, and love—is crucial before becoming a parent. Schemas are not just thoughts; they are emotional expectations shaped by what you did or didn’t receive growing up. A baby born into an emotionally unprepared environment is more likely to feel unseen, unheard, or burdened with unmet expectations. They will seek out in others what they didn’t receive at home, often repeating the same cycles unless consciously interrupted.
Preparing for a baby is not only about cribs and baby names—it’s about emotional legacy. What kind of emotional home are you creating? What will your baby learn about love, repair, safety, and connection just by watching you? These are the questions that matter most. When you do this work together—honestly, humbly, and consistently—you don’t just prepare to become parents; you prepare to raise a baby who doesn’t have to heal from their childhood.
Ready to go deeper before you grow your family?
The best gift you can give your future child is two parents who have done the inner work.
If you’re unsure where to start—or want guided support to explore your past, communication patterns, triggers, and parenting values—I’m here to help.
Whether you’re planning for a baby or wondering if your relationship can sustain one, let’s work together to build a foundation of emotional safety and clarity.
Book a free 15-minute consultation or explore relationship coaching and conscious parenting support at www.findingyourself.com.au/contact
You don’t have to figure it out alone. Your child deserves the best version of you—and so do you.
Making Difficult Choices: The Path to Becoming Who You Are
There comes a point in every life — and in every relationship, career, or journey of healing — where a choice must be made. Not the easy kind. Not the kind where the answer is obvious, or where you know you’ll feel good about it tomorrow. The kind that stretches your heart. The kind that makes you question who you are, what you believe in, and what you’re willing to walk away from or stand up for.
At Finding Yourself, we sit with people who are wrestling with these exact moments.
Do I stay or do I leave?
Do I speak my truth, or do I keep the peace?
Do I choose comfort, or do I choose growth?
These aren’t decisions you can outsource. But you can be supported as you face them.
Why Difficult Choices Matter
We tend to avoid difficult choices because we fear pain, loss, judgment, or regret. But avoidance comes at a cost — usually to our integrity, peace, or sense of purpose. The longer we postpone the hard decision, the more our nervous system stays in a state of quiet distress.
When we finally face the choice — whatever it is — we begin to reclaim our power. We signal to ourselves: I’m willing to live a life that’s honest, even if it’s hard.
What Gets in the Way
We all have protective parts that try to keep us safe:
- The people-pleaser who wants to be liked.
- The perfectionist who fears failure.
- The inner child who just wants to feel loved.
These parts often protest when a hard decision threatens the illusion of control or acceptance. Understanding and honoring these parts — without letting them drive — is part of the process.
Questions to Ask Yourself
If you’re standing at a fork in the road, try asking:
- What am I afraid will happen if I make this choice?
- What values am I trying to protect or honor?
- Who will I become if I say yes to this?
- Who will I betray if I say no — and is it me?
Support Without Interference
It’s powerful to be witnessed in the in-between — not to be pushed toward a certain answer, but to be held while you search for your own. That’s what we offer here. You won’t be told what to do. But you will be reminded of your strength, your truth, and your right to choose a life that reflects who you truly are.
You can do hard things. You’ve done them before. And when you make the choice that aligns with your values, even the pain that follows feels meaningful.
If you’re ready to stop avoiding and start facing your next step, book a session with us. We’ll walk with you — not ahead of you, not behind you, but beside you — as you decide what kind of life you want to live.
The Silent Marriage Killer: Passive Aggressiveness
When we think about what damages relationships, we often point to the obvious: cheating, yelling, or stonewalling. But there’s another, more subtle destroyer that creeps in quietly—slowly eroding connection, safety, and respect: passive aggressiveness.
Passive aggressive behaviour is the act of expressing negative feelings indirectly rather than openly addressing them. It might look like sarcasm laced with bitterness, procrastinating on shared tasks, sulking instead of speaking up, or giving the cold shoulder instead of communicating pain. On the surface, everything seems calm. But underneath, resentment brews.
Passive aggressiveness may seem harmless at first, but over time it can become the silent killer of love. Healing starts with honesty, courage, and the willingness to face discomfort together. The goal isn’t to avoid conflict—it’s to stop hiding behind it. Because when we speak the truth kindly, even hard truths can bring us closer
Why It’s So Dangerous
- It Undermines Emotional Safety
Passive aggressiveness creates confusion. When someone says “I’m fine” but clearly isn’t, it leaves their partner walking on eggshells—guessing what’s really wrong. Over time, this unpredictability erodes the sense of emotional security that every healthy relationship needs.
- It Avoids Accountability
Instead of saying, “That really hurt me,” a passive aggressive partner might make a snide remark or use silence as punishment. These tactics avoid vulnerability and responsibility, making it hard to repair ruptures or grow through conflict.
- It Breeds Contempt
When needs and emotions are repeatedly ignored, mocked, or weaponized, contempt begins to build—often on both sides. It becomes harder to feel empathy, attraction, or trust when everything feels like a hidden game.
- It Delays Healing
Open communication is the lifeline of any long-term relationship. Passive aggressive behavior stalls progress. It keeps couples stuck in the same loop, fighting the same battles without ever really resolving them.
How to Break the Cycle
- Name the Pattern
Awareness is the first step. If passive aggressive dynamics are showing up in your marriage, bring them to light—not with blame, but with curiosity. “I notice we sometimes express frustration in indirect ways. Can we talk about what’s really going on beneath the surface?”
- Practice Direct Communication
Build a habit of saying what you feel and what you need, even if it feels uncomfortable. Vulnerability is scary—but it’s also the birthplace of intimacy and trust.
- Create a Safe Space for Honesty
Both partners need to feel safe expressing themselves. This means listening without jumping to defense, validating each other’s emotions, and making space for imperfection.
- Seek Support if Needed
Sometimes, passive aggressive behavior stems from deeper wounds—like fear of rejection, shame, or early experiences where expressing needs wasn’t safe. Couples counseling or individual therapy can help unpack these patterns.
Passive aggressiveness may seem harmless at first, but over time it can become the silent killer of love. Healing starts with honesty, courage, and the willingness to face discomfort together. The goal isn’t to avoid conflict—it’s to stop hiding behind it. Because when we speak the truth kindly, even hard truths can bring us closer.
How Your Attachment Style Shapes Your Parenting
Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do when your child cries, withdraws, or pushes your boundaries?
The answer might lie in your own attachment style—a blueprint formed in childhood that influences how you connect, respond, and regulate emotions in relationships, especially with your children.
What Is Attachment?
Attachment refers to the emotional bond formed between a child and their primary caregiver. This bond becomes the foundation for how children learn to trust, regulate emotions, and feel safe in the world.
Psychologists identify four main attachment styles that can carry through into adulthood and parenting:
- Secure Attachment
Caregivers respond consistently and warmly. The child feels safe exploring the world while knowing support is nearby. As a parent, this often translates into confidence in setting boundaries while staying emotionally available. - Anxious Attachment
Caregivers were inconsistent—sometimes nurturing, sometimes withdrawn. As a result, the child learns to cling tightly to avoid abandonment. Parents with this style might become overly involved or anxious about their child’s wellbeing. - Avoidant Attachment
Formed when caregivers were emotionally distant or rejecting. These children learn to self-soothe and suppress needs. Parents with avoidant styles may struggle to tolerate emotional intensity and unconsciously shut down their child’s feelings. - Disorganised Attachment
Arises in homes with trauma, abuse, or fear. The caregiver is both a source of comfort and fear. As parents, individuals with disorganised attachment may swing between overcontrol and detachment.
Why This Matters for Parenting
Your attachment style can impact how:
- You respond to your child’s emotional needs.
- You handle conflict, tantrums, or meltdowns.
- You set and maintain boundaries.
- You model emotional regulation and repair.
But here’s the good news: awareness creates change.
You don’t have to repeat what was modeled for you. You can learn how to become a secure base for your child, even if that wasn’t your experience growing up.
It’s Never Too Late to Heal
Understanding your attachment style isn’t about blame—it’s about insight. When you know what shaped you, you can choose how you want to shape your child.
At Finding Yourself, we help parents explore their inner world so they can show up with clarity, compassion, and confidence in their parenting journey.
You Don’t Have to Stay Lost: The Power of Finding Yourself
Have you ever looked in the mirror and felt like a stranger to yourself?
In the busyness of life—work, relationships, parenting—it’s easy to lose touch with who we are beneath the roles we play. Many of us operate on autopilot, ticking boxes and meeting expectations, while quietly wondering: Is this all there is?
This is where the journey begins.
At Finding Yourself, we believe that healing and growth begin with self-understanding. Whether you’re navigating relationship challenges, recovering from betrayal, managing anxiety, or simply longing for clarity—you deserve a safe space to explore who you are and what you need.
Why Knowing Yourself Changes Everything
When you don’t know yourself, it’s easy to:
Say “yes” when you mean “no.”
Feel overwhelmed by emotional triggers.
Repeat unhealthy relationship patterns.
Struggle to trust your own decisions.
But when you pause and reconnect with your values, emotions, and inner voice, everything begins to shift.
Self-awareness is not a luxury—it’s a foundation for a fulfilling life.
Therapy, Coaching, and Mentoring That Goes Deeper
At Finding Yourself, we don’t offer one-size-fits-all solutions. We provide:
Therapy and counselling that unpacks patterns and supports emotional healing.
Mentoring and coaching to empower clarity, confidence, and direction.
Tools and insights that help you rebuild your relationship with yourself.
Whether you’re an individual, a couple, or a parent seeking growth—this is your invitation to come home to yourself.
It’s Time to Find You Again
You don’t have to stay stuck in survival mode. You don’t have to keep carrying pain alone. You don’t have to keep wondering if things will ever feel different.
You deserve more than just getting through the day.
You deserve insight, support, and a life that feels like yours.
Know yourself.
Heal yourself.
Find yourself.